Caught in the Ripple (Part 2)

When I speak at events for the Rise and Shine Movement to protect kids from sexual violations, I always have at least one survivor approach me at the end. To share her heart. Her pain.

But I have others approach me too. They are the wives, mothers, sisters, friends, relatives, daughters, of those who have been sexually violated. And yes, they come to share their hearts. Their pain.

When perpetrators touch their victims or make their victims touch them, they don't just touch the victim; they touch those who love the victim. Creating more victims. And those victims hurt.

That’s why Tamar’s Redemption is expanding its mission. Together, we are going to address the issues of the survivor and the issues of those who love the survivor.

Photography by Christy May. Used by permission. Copyright 2012

Because sexual violations ripple. Everyone that’s caught in its effect deserves to share their heart. Their pain. 

And everyone deserves to heal.

We heal best when we heal together. Please, come heal with us—all of us.

The Ripple (Part 1)

Who’s Tamar Anyhow?

Christianphotos.net

I was hanging out with two of my writer friends recently. I love them. They’re honest pals. They tell me what they really think, and I trust them.

One’s a self-proclaimed former Super Gal. She could fix anything, until she realized she couldn’t fix anything. She surrendered her cape to God a few years ago in her late forties.

The other is a former Woodstock groupie. She was immersed in the rock and roll culture until one day she realized that Jesus loved her. Now she’s a Jesus follower and Bible scholar.

Very cool women.

“I love your blog,” Super Gal said, “but I have to admit, I don’t get why it’s called Tamar’s Redemption.” She didn’t grow up in the church. And since the story of Tamar, from 2 Samuel, in the Old Testament, is rarely heard from the pulpit and certainly not in Sunday school, I understood her reaction. “Who’s Tamar anyhow? I think you should change the title of your blog.”

“Don’t you dare,” said my Woodstock friend. “I love the name of your blog!”

Two friends. Two opinions.

I reaffirmed Super Gals opinion. She’s been in marketing for years. All she wants is for my mission to protect kids to spread. So do I. Her point was valid. Will parents find my blog with the title Tamar’s Redemption? Hmm . . .

I felt the passion of my Woodstock friend. The story of Tamar, in my opinion, is one of the saddest stories in the Bible. Tamar, raped by her half-brother, told to be quiet, to get over it. The final mention of her in scripture can be found in 2 Samuel 13:20. “And Tamar lived . . ., a desolate woman.” (NIV)

Desolate. Alone. Joyless. Without hope. Without redemption.

It hurts my heart to think of men and women alone in their pain, without hope, without redemption. It’s what millions of survivors face each day until they are listened to, until they are believed.

My answer.

Tamar’s Redemption Tuesdays: How We Hurt. How We Heal. My blog title will change and move to my website, RiseAndShineMovement.org, within the next few weeks, but Tuesdays will be reserved for survivors and those who love them.

If you know a survivor, please welcome him/her to stop by for a visit. There won’t be any trite suggestions or quick fixes. A place for survivors to meet and share their journey. A place to be listened to and believed. A place with hope and I pray—redemption.

The Lies Survivors Believe - A Male Perspective (Part 2)

Last week I posted a link to Shattering the Silence, a blog, by Cec Murphey, for male survivors of sexual abuse and those who love them. My blog stats soared. The need is great. Therefore, I would be remiss if I didn't share this week’s follow-up post.


Please read these powerful words. Please allow them to penetrate your heart:


http://menshatteringthesilence.blogspot.com/2011/09/we-belong-by-gary-roe.html





Image'>http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/view_photog.php?photogid=3062">Image: David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

On Loving Survivors Well (Healing)

She had disclosed her childhood secret in her early forties. Now, more than a decade later, she called me to share wonderful news. “I told someone [about my abuse], and for the first time in my life, I felt no shame. I’m sure it [shame] will still show up in the future, but this lie I’ve believed for years—it’s gone.”

There is no easy fix or overnight healing from sexual abuse and the lies it whispers into its victim’s ears.

We love survivors well when we accept that healing is a process—a process that may last for years and perhaps a lifetime.

We weep with them when they weep and dance with them when they dance.

On Loving Survivors Well (Part 1)

My friend, Wanda, wrote:

I was raised in a Bible believing home. My parents had us in church every day the doors were opened. I learned early in life to make God a part of my life. I accepted Christ as my personal Savior as a child. I state this because, even in this environment, I was the victim of evil. Early in my childhood, around age 4 or 5, until around the age of 12 or 13, I was sexually molested by a trusted person. I was too ashamed and afraid to tell anyone in authority. I kept telling myself, “No one would believe me.” (Used by permission http://joycomes.blogspot.com/2011/01/why.html)

When our body language or words communicate disbelief to someone who has told us that they were sexually abused, we reinforce what that survivor already thinks, “no one would believe me”.

To love a survivor well, we must keep our compassionate eyes focused on them while we listen to their hearts. And believe them.