Your Fifth Chance to Protect Children and Win a Prize (Poster #5)

Remember, I want you to be free to be everything you were created to be.

Sexual abuse damages a child’s heart, mind, and soul. It takes away a child’s voice, their ability to trust, their sense of worthiness, their freedom to become all they were created to be.

We take many actions to protect our children from harm, car seats, safety latches, bike helmets, etc… And actions often speak louder than words. But we can never go wrong adding words to our actions. “Remember, I want you to be free to be everything you were created to be” are precious words our children (no matter their age) need to hear. They help you build a strong, sturdy bridge of communication with your kids when you speak with them about sexual abuse. Speak them often, so your children’s hearts can hear the whisper.

This week's poster

Please see contest rules and help us protect kids by sharing our poster/s on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/RiseAndShineMovement), Twitter(https://twitter.com/RiseNShineMove), and Pinterest (http://pinterest.com/RiseNShineMove).

 When we work together, 

we can protect more children.

Thank YOU!!!

Friendship, The Adventure Continues

“You know that girl I was telling you about? We were in the bathroom for a while chatting about stuff. You know, the stuff nobody really tells each other. We cried. It was great!” My daughter said.

Image courtesy of Chaiwat/freedigitalphoto.net

I smiled.  I know she’s on a new friendship adventure—one that will be touched with giggles, joy, perhaps some pain, maybe some disappointment, and  hopefully personal growth.

I’m thankful she has this new friend at school. She’s been cautious. She’s slow to trust. And in the words of Anne of Green Gables, all she really desires is “A bosom friend, a really Kindred Spirit.”

When I relayed the above to my husband, he didn’t skip a beat. “I hope this friend can be trusted.” He’s a cautious one too. A private dude.  He has one best friend. He’s also protective of his girls. A tender dude. He rarely understands the girl drama, but he cares. He hurts when they hurt.

I have another daughter who has a new best friend on a regular basis. Oh, she doesn’t necessarily abandon the old best friends, she loves them all. She is happiest when everyone loves her. She can’t imagine why anyone wouldn’t love her. The more friends the better. She trusts easily, too easily. And her heart gets broken sometimes.

Then my husband and I both hurt because she hurts. So we talk about friendship with her and ask questions. “What do you think makes a good friend? What did you learn from this friendship? What can you do differently next time?” And

“What makes a friend trustworthy?” 

Webster defines trust as “assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something” or “one in which confidence is placed.”

It defines friend as “one attached to another by affection or esteem,” or “a favored companion.”

I think my definition of a trustworthy friend has been a little more complicated at times. In my younger years, a trusted friend was someone who I could be completely comfortable with, completely myself with, share my secrets with, and never worry that she was going to hurt or disappoint me in any way.

*Please note the emphasis on what she does for me—on her being perfect. 

*Please do not note the lack of emphasis on me. I thought I was, well, the perfect friend.

Pssp . . . listen closely. I got a free pass. She needed to get it right or I’d take my toys and go home. You hurt me. I’m done!

Ah, the passage of time, the giggles, joy, pain, disappointment, and personal growth that has stretched my thinking. The humility of accepting that I hurt others, even if I didn’t intend to, has softened my heart. The grace that I’ve received when I’ve asked for forgiveness has soothed my soul. I am free to focus more on what I bring to a friendship rather than what I expect in a friend. I don’t like the hurt and disappointment that comes with human friendship (I think this is why some people prefer dogs.), but I do expect it. And that paradigm shift in my thinking has made me a better friend.

I hope.

Years teach the teachable. So I pray my girls become teachable, that with each friendship, they learn—something about friendship—something about themselves. I want them to learn how to trust without demanding perfection. Understand how to give grace. Receive grace. But also know when it’s time to go home. Because sadly, there are some people who are not trustworthy.

My husband and I will still hurt when our girls hurt. We’ll talk with them about friendship and continue to ask questions.

  

What does a trustworthy friendship look like?

How do you give grace, receive grace, yet know when it’s time to go home?

Pssp . . . comments are welcomed and replied to. But I can't promise answers. I'm a friend in training. :)

Trust is a hot button for survivors, as it should be—a sacred trust was broken. But that doesn’t mean that survivors have to live without trust—without friends. My survivor friends will tell you, it hasn’t been easy. The years teach the teachable. And learning to trust has been worth the risk.

Your Fourth Chance to Protect Children and Win a Prize (Poster #4)

Remember, No Matter What, We Will Always Love You.

We take many actions to protect our children from harm, car seats, safety latches, bike helmets, etc… And actions often speak louder than words. But we can never go wrong adding words to our actions. “Remember, no matter what, we will always love you,” are precious words our children (no matter their age) need to hear. They help you build a strong, sturdy bridge of communication with your kids when you speak with them about sexual abuse. Speak them often, so your children’s hearts can hear the whisper.

This week's poster

Please see contest rules and help us protect kids by sharing our poster/s on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/RiseAndShineMovement), Twitter(https://twitter.com/RiseNShineMove), and Pinterest (http://pinterest.com/RiseNShineMove).

 When we work together, 

we can protect more children.

Thank YOU!!!

If I Could Save Friendships in a Bottle

I remember our giggles in the tub. We filled the lid from the shampoo bottle with shampoo and pretended it was an egg. We took turns cracking it over each other’s heads and dumping the slimy liquid on top of our hair. It oozed down the sides of our heads like egg whites separating from a yoke. We thought it was hysterical. What a silly memory.

But honestly, I hardly remember much about my best friend from elementary school, her likes, her dislikes, her secrets. And I don’t remember the day when our friendship ended. There wasn't a disagreement. There weren't tears. We just hit Jr. High and she went one way and I another.  We ran into each other at a wedding a few years ago and reminisced briefly, but at the end of the evening, I went home, and I assume she did too. We haven’t spoken since.

I don’t feel sadness when I think back about what we had. It was innocent. It was fun. Our friendship served its purpose in both of our lives, but we grew apart. These things happen. We both moved on to different friends, different experiences. And I’m sure that each friend we've had since has grown us and stretched us in different ways, molding and shaping us into who we are today.

Some friendships come. Some friendships go. If I could save friendships in a bottle, I think I’d choose not to. Because I think friendships were meant to be poured out, flowing over, each friend desiring God’s best for the other, through the joys and the sorrows, the together times and the separate times.

Image appears courtesy of Paul/freedigitalphotos.net 

And filled with giggles and silly memories.

I love my survivor friends. There are few topics we can’t explore. Recently, we've been discussing friendships. What do healthy friendships look like? When are they toxic? 

What ingredients do you think belong in a healthy friendship?

Your Third Chance to Protect Children and Win a Prize (Poster #3)

Remember, you can tell me anything. 

We take many actions to protect our children from harm, car seats, safety latches, bike helmets, etc… And actions often speak louder than words. But we can never go wrong adding words to our actions. “Remember, you can tell me anything,” are precious words our children (no matter their age) need to hear. They help you build a strong, sturdy bridge of communication with your kids when you speak with them about sexual abuse. Speak them often, so your children’s hearts can hear the whisper.

and/or

Please see contest rules and help us protect kids by sharing our poster/s on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/RiseAndShineMovement), Twitter (https://twitter.com/RiseNShineMove), and Pinterest (http://pinterest.com/RiseNShineMove).

 When we work together, 

we can protect more children.

Thank YOU!!!

Your Second Chance to Protect Children and Win a Prize (Poster # Two)

We take many actions to protect our children from harm, car seats, safety latches, bike helmets, etc… And actions often speak louder than words. But we can never go wrong adding words to our actions.

Remember, I am here to protect you

are precious words our children need to hear. They help us build a strong, sturdy bridge of communication with our children when we speak to them about sexual abuse. We must speak them often, so our children’s hearts can hear the whisper.

This Week’s Poster for Our Contest

Please see contest rules and help us protect kids by sharing our poster on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.

 When we work together, we can protect more children.

Thank YOU!!!

The Healing Circle

“Will I ever be free from the shame?” she asked.

I wasn't sure how to answer her. I’m not a counselor. So I took a deep breath, prayed for wisdom, and shared from my experience, not as a survivor, but as someone who has tasted pain and needed healing.

Image courtesy of Smarnad/freedigitalphotos.net

“My experience with healing is that it cycles. I go to my place of pain, identify the lie that has been hiding behind the hurt, and I replace the lie with truth. I cheer and celebrate—one more lie I no longer believe. I live my life. Then something happens, a life experience or maybe another hurt, and I find myself back where I thought I’d healed. A new lie or perhaps an old one surfaces. So I go deeper and sometimes see an old lie from a different angle. With each cycle, more healing takes place. Will I ever be completely free from the pain? The shame? I don’t know.”

I wish I could have told her that someday she would have complete freedom from her shame, because I love a happy ever after ending. Who doesn't?  And although I do believe in miracles, I also believe that my process of healing has taught me far more than a miracle ever could. The healing I've received has been worth the work. And my life is better now.

I spoke with a licensed counselor, with years of experience, after this conversation. I asked her if healing cycles. She drew her finger in the air in a series of circles and replied, “Over and over again.”