It's never too late to begin the healing process from childhood sexual abuse. It's never too early to fall in love with the person God created you to be. Long ago someone made a choice to take away your innocence, but today that someone can't touch your freedom to heal.

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Why Children Don't Tell About Sexual Abuse (Part 2: They Love)

"Some of them don’t tell because they love them,” I said.

Her face turned bright red. Her brown eyes bore into mine. “What?” she snapped.

“They love them,” I repeated softly.

“They love them?  How could they love them?”

I wasn’t surprised by her question. I wasn’t shocked by her anger. She is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, and she couldn’t imagine how any survivor could love their abuser. But her abuser wasn’t someone whom she loved.

Ninety to ninety-five percent of survivors of childhood sexual abuse are violated by someone they know and trust, and, yes, sometimes, by someone they love.

Consider this quote by a survivor friend of mine: "I was abused by a close relative. He was absolutely trusted. And he took advantage of me. And I went along with it because I didn't know any better. Because I trusted him."  Many of the reasons children don’t tell lay within these five sentences.  (You can read her story, Scars of Abuse, at (

The first reason kids don't tell is in the first sentence. Notice she wrote “close relative”. Children generally love their close relatives (fathers and mothers, grandfathers and grandmothers, uncles and aunts, brothers and sisters, and cousins). I know my friend did and does.

Over the next several weeks, we’ll explore why children don’t tell as we dissect this quote. And together we’ll learn more, and we’ll protect our children better.

Children don’t tell because they love. They love deeply. And they know instinctively that if they tell, they might hurt the one they love. They can’t understand it—they don’t have the reasoning skills for it; they can’t explain it—they don’t have the words for it. But they can feel it. And those feelings are powerful. And those feelings hold them captive and keep them quiet.

And that is why it is an adult’s job to protect children from childhood sexual abuse.

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Why Children Don’t Tell About Sexual Abuse (Part 1: They're Confused)

Copyright 2012 Rise And Shine Movement
Anna Salter, Ph.D. an authority on sex offenders writes:

Why would a child not tell? Because, for reasons we do not clearly understand, children freeze when confronted with something they cannot make sense of.
—Predators, Pedophiles, Rapists, & Other Sex Offenders: Who They Are, How they Operate, and How We Can Protect Ourselves and Our Children by Anna C. Salter, Ph.D., (Basic Books, 2003), page 28.

Let us help you, help the kids you love, make sense of the senseless. So your children will understand should they encounter abuse. So your children can tell.  

Saturday, July 14, 2012

In People We Trust

Rise and Shine Movement, Copyright 2012
This morning I read the following quote to my husband:

If children can be silenced and the average person is easy to fool, many offenders report that religious people are even easier to fool than most people. One molester, who was himself a minister, said:

I considered church people easy to fool . . . they have a trust that comes from being Christians . . . They tend to be better folks all around. And they seem to want to believe in the good that exists in all people . . . I think they want to believe in people. And because of that, you can easily convince, with or without convincing words. – Predators, Pedophiles, Rapists, & Other Sex Offenders by Anna C. Salter, Ph.D., (Basic Books, 2003), page 29.

My husband, a Jesus follower, responded, “Yeah, but I’m not sure I want to be anyone else . . . the alternative is not trusting anyone.”

I’m not sure I want to be anyone else either. It’s a conundrum. There are many people who are trust-worthy. And I want my kids to know them, experience all they have to offer, and be blessed by their gifts and talents.

I would add, as a Jesus follower myself that I want to trust in God to protect my kids. I think that belief makes me and other people of faith more vulnerable to those who violate sexually. And I want my kids to know Jesus, experience all he has to offer, and be blessed by his grace and mercy.

So where does that leave me as a parent and person of faith? I want to trust people. I do my best to trust God.

Jesus told us that we would have trouble in this world and suffering. And God gave children parents. One of our primary roles as parents is to protect children.

I think that leaves me with a job to do. I must teach my children about sexual abuse and what they should do if they encounter it.

And as I continue to do all that I can do to protect my kids, I will trust with both eyes open.

Need a tool to begin the conversation about sexual abuse with your kids?

Saturday, July 7, 2012


 I’ve heard of two attempted suicides of male survivors in the past six months. One was successful. One was not.
Source: www.ChristianPhotos.Net

I grieved for the one. I gave resources to the other and prayed, no begged, for his healing to begin.

It is an often heard comment within the community of those who study sexual abuse that “Males don’t tell.” It is understood that it is only through the telling that healing can begin.

That is why I pray, no I beg parents, grandparents, and trusted caregivers to begin the conversation regarding sexual abuse with the children they love.

Because maybe males will tell, if we only ask.

Protect the Innocent, Break the Silence, One Conversation at a Time,
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