When We Trash-talk the Perpetrator, We May Silence a Survivor

Hang him! Monster! Pervert! Sick, sick, sick man!

I’ve listened to the comments all week. I’ve even been tempted to utter them myself.

Okay, I’ll admit it. . . I have uttered some of them.

But I pray, I’ve uttered them in private—away from my children—away from my survivor friends.

Source: www.christianphotos.net

Why? Because ninety percent of adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse were violated by someone they knew, trusted, and loved. Ninety percent of children who are violated are molested by someone they know, trust and love.

It’s complicated. Hard to understand. But when we trash-talk perpetrators, we run the risk of hurting survivors and silencing children who have been violated.

“How is your client doing?” the reporter asked.

“He feels vindicated, but this was difficult for him,” the attorney responded. “He had to look the man in the face who was his surrogate father and tell the world what this man did to him.”

This attorney did his homework. He understood the delicate fears, emotions, and compassionate heart of his survivor client.

Is it possible that a victim can love and care for their perpetrator? Yes, it is.

When we let our emotions run from our mouth, unleashed, for all to hear, we may hurt the survivors in our presence. We may keep a child near us—who has been violated—silent.

You see, all the survivors I know are compassionate people and most of them were violated by someone they loved. And children, precious, precious children, are the most forgiving creatures that walk the earth.

Both adult survivors and child survivors know that if they tell, people around them will get hurt. So they keep their mouths shut to protect both the perpetrator and those who also love the perpetrator.

Let’s let survivors utter words of hatred and anger toward those who violated them and guard our tongues. We may be hurting those who have already been traumatized and we may be causing a child to keep silent.

We best love adult survivors and help child victims break their silence when we offer healing words and leave the harsh words to those who have the right to say them.