The Lies Survivors Believe (The Common Lie – Twisted)

A survivor speaks:

“I remember, with my assault, believing that somehow I encouraged the attack. I suspected it was getting a little unsafe and knew he was following me. I nervously laughed and talked to him about elementary school, because I wanted him to know I knew him and thought he might leave me alone or engage in friendly conversation instead of targeting me.

At one time he blocked my path. I ran past him and nervously laughed. The lie I told myself was that if I had not acted that way, maybe he wouldn't have thought I was flirting and he would have left me alone. The truth was that my instinct was right. I sensed he was after me and he was. I tried whatever "psychology" I could, but he did what he was planning to do.

I battled for a long time thinking I had flirted and encouraged the assault. The defense attorney didn't help matters. It was his job to bring things like that out—to make me the bad guy. I had to remind myself of the truth—the attack was wrong, no matter what. He [the perpetrator] had no right! I said no. He took and didn't have permission. Even if he was confused and thought I was flirting, grabbing me and trying to rip my clothes off was not normal. He knew it and acted on his own selfishness anyway!”


This survivor had the rare benefit of her parent’s guidance after her assault. She was able to tell them almost immediately, and they were able to help her replace the lies with truth. The twisted lies of the assault and the defense attorney didn’t have a chance to deepen their roots. However, decades later, in vulnerable moments, when the past haunts her thoughts, she continues to speak the truth to her heart. Her healing began by trusting her parents, sharing her secret, and speaking the truth to her heart--unraveling the lies, over and over again.

The Lies Survivors Believe: The Common Lie

“I went into the room an innocent child,” she said. “ I left filled with guilt. From the moment it happened, I was filled with shame. I believed it was my fault.”


It’s a common belief among survivors. “It was my fault” rings in their minds and penetrates their hearts.

“Then one day I noticed a child who was the age I was when it happened,” she said. “I observed the four year old and realized that four year olds don’t even know what sex is, let alone want to engage in it.”

This truth entered her mind. The ringing of the lie wasn’t so loud.

Time passed.

“Then one night I was praying to God about how ugly I felt. I’d prayed that same prayer often throughout my life. Then I heard the whisper. ‘It wasn’t your fault.’ I knew from that moment on, I wasn’t responsible.”

The truth permeated her heart.

The lie lost its power. The guilt lost its home. The shame lost its victory.



If you believe this lie, please don’t give up hope. Keep pondering the truth and telling God how you feel. And together we will pray that one day, you will hear His whisper.

The Lies Survivors Believe

The lie she believed disguised itself as truth in her life for over a half of a century. It began as a wordless whisper that snaked its way through her mind, leaving a trail of venom, as it slithered quietly to its resting place—coiled securely around her heart. It lay there undetected, invisible to most, yet controlling selective thoughts and affecting life-altering choices.


Sexual abuse gives birth to lies. And until the lies are identified and put to death, survivors suffer from their poison. As I have listened to the hearts of my survivor friends, I have discovered that the lies they believed were the same, yet how those lies shaped their lives were unique to each woman.

Over the next several weeks, we are going to look at those lies and hear from the experts—the survivors—on how those lies molded their lives. And we’ll hear the good news of how they’ve replaced those lies with truth. Truth that has set their minds and hearts free.