“I remember, with my assault, believing that somehow I encouraged the attack. I suspected it was getting a little unsafe and knew he was following me. I nervously laughed and talked to him about elementary school, because I wanted him to know I knew him and thought he might leave me alone or engage in friendly conversation instead of targeting me.
At one time he blocked my path. I ran past him and nervously laughed. The lie I told myself was that if I had not acted that way, maybe he wouldn't have thought I was flirting and he would have left me alone. The truth was that my instinct was right. I sensed he was after me and he was. I tried whatever "psychology" I could, but he did what he was planning to do.
I battled for a long time thinking I had flirted and encouraged the assault. The defense attorney didn't help matters. It was his job to bring things like that out—to make me the bad guy. I had to remind myself of the truth—the attack was wrong, no matter what. He [the perpetrator] had no right! I said no. He took and didn't have permission. Even if he was confused and thought I was flirting, grabbing me and trying to rip my clothes off was not normal. He knew it and acted on his own selfishness anyway!”
This survivor had the rare benefit of her parent’s guidance after her assault. She was able to tell them almost immediately, and they were able to help her replace the lies with truth. The twisted lies of the assault and the defense attorney didn’t have a chance to deepen their roots. However, decades later, in vulnerable moments, when the past haunts her thoughts, she continues to speak the truth to her heart. Her healing began by trusting her parents, sharing her secret, and speaking the truth to her heart--unraveling the lies, over and over again.
No comments:
Post a Comment