The Lies Survivors Believe – A Male Perspective

Men are often forgotten in the world of Childhood Sexual Abuse. There are varied reasons for this, but I believe the main reason is that historically, men don’t tell.

However, times are changing. Brave men are leading by example. They're telling.  With 1 out of every 6 boys suffering from sexual abuse by the age of 18, this change can’t come soon enough.

Because sexual abuse lies to little boys, just as it does to little girls.

Please read the honest words of a male survivor as he describes a lie he believed posted by New York Times best-selling author, Cecil Murphey, on his blog, Shattering the Silence, a blog spot for male survivors and those who love them.

Click here:
http://menshatteringthesilence.blogspot.com/2011/09/i-belong-by-gary-roe.html





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Go Parent Go!!!

It’s that time of year again, time to have the talk.

Next month your children’s school will celebrate National Fire Prevention Week. It’s a good thing. Children are injured and killed by fires every year. I’m so glad we don’t ignore this hot topic (pun intended) and run from it. Our children deserve to be taught to stop, drop, and roll.

But here’s the thing—the chance of your child needing to stop, drop, and roll are slim compared to the chance that they may need to yell, run, and tell.

One out of every four girls and one out of every six boys will be sexually violated by their eighteenth birthday.

Take a few minutes today. Talk to your child about sexual abuse.

If you don’t, who will?



If you need a little coaching, please read my blog series “Protecting Our Kids" beginning Oct., 2010. And picture me with pom poms, cheering for you all the way. You can do it!





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The Lies Survivors Believe – The Significance Game

Another survivor speaks:

“When I finally realized that what I had been trying so hard to keep hidden under the rug was actually sexual abuse, my first instinct was to tell myself that what happened to me wasn't really a big deal—that there were other people who had been abused much worse then I was. I tried to justify that what happened to me, shouldn't matter as much as it did. I even found myself saying "it really wasn't that bad" or "there isn't a lot to tell". Almost feeling like, in the scope of life, my measly little abuse moments weren’t horrendous enough to matter. My point is: abuse affects everyone differently. If your childhood sexual abuse, no matter how minimal it seems, effects how you operate in the world, then it matters.

I don't feel that way anymore, but I'm sure there are a lot of people who have been abused who play that "significance" game.”



I know women who have had one encounter with sexual abuse. I know women who were violated multiple times. All of these women’s lives have been affected.

It’s the consequence of sexual abuse. It’s the power of unwarranted shame.



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The Lies Survivors Believe (The Common Lie – The Core)

Another survivor speaks:   


“The biggest lie that I face is that there is something about me that made me more susceptible to abuse. I don't believe that I am at fault for my abuse by choices that I made, in some ways that would be easier. I actually believe that there is something about me that is less valuable or less "whole" than others, and so I was an easy target.

This belief affects every area of my life now. I struggle with my worth. I'm constantly unsure of myself and my abilities, despite others telling me differently. The voice of contempt in my mind is sometimes louder than all the rest. I hold myself to a standard that is unreasonably high, and when I fail, I blame myself.

I haven’t fully figured out how to combat this lie. For a long time, I thought the answer was me working on my self-esteem. But, recently, I have come to realize that feeling confident in me is not the goal. Instead, I need to find my worth in Him [Jesus]. This is the weakness that I have, so I need to find my strength in Him. It still is a struggle even with this understanding, but I try to take one day at a time.”



My heart ached as I read her words. She, like the other survivors I know, is a valuable person who is a treasure to many. I love that she has figured out that the abuse she suffered wasn’t based on anything she did or didn’t do, and most importantly, that her worth is not based on anything she did or can do.


A timeless Sunday school song says it well, “Red, brown, yellow, black, and white, they [she is] are precious in His sight . . .” This truth spits in the face of our culture. It penetrates to the core of the lie—one day at a time.





Image'>http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/view_photog.php?photogid=659">Image: Salvatore Vuono / FreeDigitalPhotos.net