I agreed with my survivor friend. I know, I should write about it. Most survivors that I’ve had the honor of calling “friend” have discussed this issue with me. It’s a topic that I’m comfortable discussing in living color, but to write about it . . . in black and white and put it on the web? I’m struggling here. But this I know, there is a need. And no one should ever feel alone.
The area my friend has encouraged me to write about is sex. The area where she believes married survivors feel most alone is in the bedroom.
As I mentioned in my last post, I met with a group of survivors recently and we discussed “normal.” The main topic of the evening was “What’s normal in the bedroom?”
“I feel this way after sex sometimes,” one said.
“I feel that way,” said another.
“I check out at times. Do you guys?” one asked.
“I do. I made my grocery list once,” I said. “And I’m not a survivor.”
That got our attention. And our discussion led to these questions: Could some of the struggles, expectations, longings, and frustrations survivors feel in the bedroom be “normal?” Is it possible with the myriad of lies sexual abuse creates, perhaps the lies that are most perverse are the ones that turn “normal” into shameful?
We weren’t able to answer our questions in one meeting. The conversation will continue. Please consider joining us. You can ask your questions or make comments anonymously in the comment box or contact me directly at firstname.lastname@example.org. Let’s seek “normal” together.