Advice from a Survivor Momma, by Christy

I wish children came with an instruction manual.

Navigating the complexities of parenting is a considerable task. From the moment my children took their first breath, mothering them was about caring for their needs and keeping them well protected.

As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse (Christy's Story), balancing protection and care without becoming paranoid is not always an easy feat. I find that my biggest parenting fears are usually tied to issues from my abuse. But my sexual abuse history also provides me with awareness and an intuition that I have come to value.

As a Momma, I fear that someone will hurt or take advantage of my children. Instead of letting this fear create anxiety in my heart – lest I lock my kids in our house until they turn eighteen – I take a more proactive approach, which I would like to share with you.

• ·         We started very early talking to our son and daughter about modesty. These conversations included why certain parts of the body are for them only. It was important for us to establish early body boundaries and to let our children know that they are entitled to body privacy.

• ·         We don’t leave our kids with people we don’t know well — coaches, other parents, teachers. No matter the inconvenience, I will often accompany my child to a practice or a play-date. I want other adults to know that I am an involved parent.

• ·         We expect organizations – churches, sports clubs, kids programs – to perform semi-frequent background checks on their volunteers, and we are not afraid to ask what protective procedures they have in place, such as, "Will my child ever be alone with an adult?”

The people-pleaser in me can feel tempted to trust adults just because I don’t want to hurt their feelings. But in my experience, anyone who shares a concern and care for my child is willing to do whatever it takes to keep them safe.

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My kids don’t need a protective bubble. As a parent, it is my desire and ultimately, my responsibility to teach and guide them, so they know what to do when I’m not with them.

Finding a balance between under and over protecting my kids is a constant challenge. But I have learned to trust my instincts as a mom and am willing to enlist others to help me in this cause.


Please join us on Tamar's Redemption Thursdays: Parenting with Purpose, Parenting without Paranoia. Because parenting is hard, for survivor parents, and all parents.