Tamar's Redemption Tuesdays
How We Hurt, How We Heal
I was just a kid. I had no reason not to trust him, but this
left me vulnerable. He had relied on my innocence, my ignorance, and my trust.
I obeyed his instructions because that is what I had always done, what I felt
was expected of me. I was unaware of appropriate body boundaries. Not at that
age, not back then. My abuser had certainly crossed the line.
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| Used with permission, Photography by Christy Mae, Copyright 2012 |
This betrayal changed me.
After awhile I stopped trusting adult men. I didn’t know I
was doing that at the time, of course. This change was deep inside of me, mixed
into the undercurrent of how my young mind had interpreted the yucky things
that happened to me. Confusion birthed lies, which took root under my surface.
Inside, my world was a swirling mess. I wanted to trust
others, but I was always skeptical. On one hand I knew I could always rely on
myself. But I also questioned whether I could trust my own instincts. They had
been “wrong” before.
I began to believe the only way I could keep someone from
taking advantage of me was to be the one in control. I doubted people had my
best interest at heart so I depended on myself and set high expectations of
others.
I was in bondage. Chained, to lies I had unknowingly
accepted as truth. All the control I thought I had could not keep my world from
falling apart.
I needed help. But I knew I couldn’t do it on my own.
“Peace and trust take
years to build and seconds to shatter.”
--Mahogany SilverRain
For more of Christy's story see Part One, Part Two
For more of Christy's story see Part One, Part Two
Christy's blog www.ahearteninglife.com
If you would like to encourage Christy or comment on her post and prefer not to respond anonymously on this blog, please feel free to email your comment to this secure address Tamarsredemption@verizon.net. I will be glad to send your comment or question to Christy. Blessings to you, Carolyn
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