It's never too late to begin the healing process from childhood sexual abuse. It's never too early to fall in love with the person God created you to be. Long ago someone made a choice to take away your innocence, but today that someone can't touch your freedom to heal.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Voices of Tamar’s Redemption: Christy’s Voice, Christy’s Journey (Part 3)

Tamar's Redemption Tuesdays
How We Hurt, How We Heal

I was just a kid. I had no reason not to trust him, but this left me vulnerable. He had relied on my innocence, my ignorance, and my trust. I obeyed his instructions because that is what I had always done, what I felt was expected of me. I was unaware of appropriate body boundaries. Not at that age, not back then. My abuser had certainly crossed the line.

 Used with permission, Photography by Christy Mae, Copyright 2012
This betrayal changed me.

After awhile I stopped trusting adult men. I didn’t know I was doing that at the time, of course. This change was deep inside of me, mixed into the undercurrent of how my young mind had interpreted the yucky things that happened to me. Confusion birthed lies, which took root under my surface.

Inside, my world was a swirling mess. I wanted to trust others, but I was always skeptical. On one hand I knew I could always rely on myself. But I also questioned whether I could trust my own instincts. They had been “wrong” before.

I began to believe the only way I could keep someone from taking advantage of me was to be the one in control. I doubted people had my best interest at heart so I depended on myself and set high expectations of others.

I was in bondage. Chained, to lies I had unknowingly accepted as truth. All the control I thought I had could not keep my world from falling apart.

I needed help. But I knew I couldn’t do it on my own.

Peace and trust take years to build and seconds to shatter.”   --Mahogany SilverRain

For more of Christy's story see Part One, Part Two

 Christy's blog

If you would like to encourage Christy or comment on her post and prefer not to respond anonymously on this blog, please feel free to email your comment to this secure address I will be glad to send your comment or question to Christy. Blessings to you, Carolyn

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