Tamar's Redemption Tuesdays
How We Hurt, How We Heal
|Used with permission, Photography by Christy Mae, Copyright 2012|
Shame became a constant companion. When the memories continued their assault, Shame made me feel like the sexual abuse had been my fault. Shame kept my mouth shut, too embarrassed to talk about it. Made me feel like I should have known better.
Not dealing with the abuse seemed easier then facing it. Denial worked, for a while, to keep my enemy Shame at bay, a shield to protect myself from his attacks. If I didn’t think about it or talk about it, I wouldn’t have to feel Shame’s nagging taunts. Or so I thought.
I was one of the “walking wounded." On the surface I used denial like a cheap Band-Aid to cover up what I didn't want to see. But an infection was slowly spreading inside of me from the pain and confusion I kept hidden.
Protecting myself became my best defense against future impropriety, along with an arsenal of denial and mistrust. In my innocence, someone took advantage of me. If I could help it, I would never let that happen to me again.