No! She Didn't Just Write That, Did She? (Teaching Our Kids about Sex While Protecting Them Too, Part 4)

“But won’t I take away his innocence? I mean, teaching him about sex, won’t that put ideas into his little head?”

Perhaps you've had this question too. It’s a good one. And in my humble opinion, there’s nothing more precious than a child’s innocence. It’s sacred. It must be protected.

But here’s the thing, it is not knowledge that destroys innocence. It is silence and shame.

Image courtesy of ImageryMajestic/Free DigitalPhotos.com

I've been reading the experts.

Do you know that male fetuses have erections in utero?

I know . . . you just squirmed reading that. Sorry. But hang in here with me.

Take a deep breath now. Here’s another one, it’s not uncommon for both male and female infants to experience sexual arousal during nursing. It’s as natural to their bodies as a hiccup or a burp.

Fast forward a year or two. You find your little one with their hands in their pants. You have a choice to make. Do you freak out, "Stop that! Stop that RIGHT NOW!" Or do you acknowledge their sexuality? “Yep Sammy, that feels good doesn't it? It’s great that our bodies were designed to feel good." Then redirect their attention. "Can you go get that new toy you got for your birthday? Show me how it works.”

One response brings silence and shame, the other knowledge.

Our kids are sexual beings. We are sexual beings.

When we ignore this important part of who they are, of who we are, we are pushing them toward silence and secrets. Their bodies are going to respond to stimuli. Are we going to guide them through it or pretend it doesn't exist?

Won't teaching my child about sex take away his innocence? is a good question. Perhaps the better question is, How do I want my child to approach his sexuality, with knowledge or shame?

Teaching healthy sexuality to our kids not only helps our children understand their bodies and feel validated, it helps protect them from sexual abuse. Predators want children who don’t understand their bodies and who are frightened to talk to their parents about sex and sexual abuse. It is not knowledge that destroys innocence. It is silence and shame.

Books I recommend to help you teach your children healthy sexuality. They help take the hyper out of your ventilation.

The Mountain of Fairytales (Spouses Caught in the Ripple, Part 5)

She thought one day her prince would come. He did. But he didn’t.

Copyright 2012 Rise and Shine Movement

A survivor wife shares:

One thing I have known for a long time.  I wanted him [my husband] to be my hero and savior.  I wished he would compensate for my areas of fear and insecurity.  I wanted the guy from the movies who is never afraid of anything, and was always there to make sure I was okay.  Or that's what I thought I wanted, anyway.  I know now that sometimes what you need is not what you want.  I still struggle at times with that feeling of wanting to be rescued, and not have to do the hard work.

There is a reason little girls dream of a prince. Disney knows that; they’ve made billions selling it. But do we?

A prince will give us value, turn our mountain of unworthiness into gold. He will turn our rags into ball gowns, our nightmares into a fairy tales. He will know what we need before we ever ask. Because the prince always “gets” the princess. He understands the healing words she longs to hear. He gives her story a happily-ever-after ending.

I’ve wished that for all of my survivor friends. They, of all people, deserve the prince—someone who turns hellish nightmares to heavenly realities. But wish I may, wish I might, may I have the wish I wish tonight? No. Because that’s Disney, not reality.

So what’s a survivor princess to do?

As my survivor friend admits so freely, “I still struggle at times with that feeling of wanting to be rescued, and not have to do the hard work.”

Hard work or rescue? Given a choice we would all choose rescue, not hard work. But rescue is not a choice. It never will be. Because as Dorothy says, “Toto, I’ve a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.”

I’m so thankful my survivor friend has chosen the hard work. I know her. I know her husband. There is so much beauty in watching them climb the mountains sexual abuse has created. And although the view for them is sometimes ugly, if you asked them, they would say that it’s been worth the climb. And every now and then, they get a glimpse of beauty that can only be described as miraculous.

And that’s why they’re sharing their story. To help you climb. Because far too many survivor princesses leave one prince to find another. And in searching for the fairy tale, they’re missing the view of a lifetime.

Please join us next week. We’ll take a rest from our climb. We’ll stop, take a breath, and learn practical things husbands can do to help their survivor wives thrive. 


Spouses Caught in the Ripple (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4)