The Mountain of Cluelessness (Spouses Caught in the Ripple, Part 3)

Damaged goods.

When my survivor friends told their boyfriends, who later became their husbands, about their abuse, the title Damaged Goods screamed in their heads. He’s thinking that I’m damaged goods. They waited for a response. They braced for rejection.

Couple One

The husband remembers. "I wanted to be her rock.  But, I really didn't know what to do with the information.  Inside I felt like I had a pit in my stomach.  I felt angry that it happened to her.  I struggled with what her abuse meant for us.  I wanted more details, but I was afraid to ask.  Abuse was something that happened to other people, not to people who were close to me, let alone the girl I thought I was going to marry.  In the end I was determined to love her no matter what.  But, I didn't have a clue what that actually meant."

What to do? What does this mean? Details? Do I ask? Should I ask? Fear. Where did this come from? How did it enter my neat little world? Determined to love. Clueless as to how.

But Damaged Goods? No. Not his thought. Hers.

He had no clue what to do. And no idea what she needed to hear. What young person does?

Two young college students in love, wanting to spend the rest of their lives together.

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And the wedding march played.  And the mountains remained.

Most of us come into marriage with our backpacks filled with traditions, expectations, and hurts. This baggage can create obstacles as we move through life together.  We weave around some, trudge by others as we climb through the years. But sexual abuse can’t be bypassed or ignored. It will show up again and again on the climb. Sometimes as a gnarled barren tree in our peripheral vision, we glimpse and move on, and sometimes as a rock that makes us stumble, slamming our knees to the ground, demanding attention. We have a choice. Look at the tree; examine the rock together, or journey on alone. I've chosen the couples I’m interviewing for this series because they journey together. The views aren't always beautiful; there are rocks that remain in their path. But they’re together in the climb.


To view Spouses Caught in the Ripple (Part 1), (Part 2), please click on highlighted area.