C’mon, Give Those Reproductive Organs a Little R.E.S.P.E.C.T. (Teaching Our Kids about Sex While Protecting Them Too – Part 2)

“Our children don’t deserve our shame.” That statement erupted out of my mouth at my last speaking engagement. I was shocked. Not because I didn't think I believed that statement, but because it wasn't part of my original presentation. I usually like to examine my words over and over again before I spout them out to my audience. I think my listeners deserve that. But there it was—a big blurp out of my oral cavity. And as we all know, once something comes out of that orifice, we can’t take it back.

My mind went reeling as I continued to present my next points. That’s it. That’s why we don’t use the correct terms when we speak to our kids about their reproductive organs. We’re passing on our shame. Duh!

Now I've had some time to think about it. I've read the experts advice. And I still agree with my blurp. 

We all have our stuff. When we leave the hospital with that helpless, totally dependent creature in our arms, and a freshly packed diaper bag over our shoulder, we still have the invisible heavy backpack on our backs we took to the hospital—the backpack of shame.

I don’t know what your story is. Perhaps you were raised by one, two, or more people that never spoke to you about sex and you found out through friends, pornography, and wherever else you could find it. Shame. Perhaps you were raised in a home where you were told that sex is dirty. Shame. Perhaps you were raised in a home where you were taught that sex before marriage was wrong and if you participated in that whopper of a sin, you are evil, without hope of redemption. Shame. And even more grievous, maybe you experienced the ultimate violation—sexual abuse. SHAME.

Shame renders us mute. So we don’t speak about sex or give our reproductive organs the proper respect they’re due. Our helpless babes are left to navigate this territory without a navigator. “No thoughtfully packed bag containing a GPS for healthy sexuality for you kiddo, momma and poppa have their own backpacks to carry.”

Image courtesy of Photostock/FreeDigitalPhoto.net

So what’s a loving parent like you supposed to do? First of all, choose to empty your backpack. Some of the items in your backpack were packed by others and, yes, some of them were packed by you. But there is healing and forgiveness available. But it is a choice you have to make. Find a good, trust-worthy friend or counselor and start talking. Unpack that backpack.

Secondly, don’t feel shame about your shame. If you haven’t used the proper terms for penis and vagina, start now. No shame in that.

Stand up tall, lighter, without the backpacks, and let’s begin at the beginning. If you have a daughter, she has a V.A.G.I.N.A. If you have a son, he has P.E.N.I.S. When we teach our children self-care, we use the correct terms and give our kids and our reproductive organs the respect they deserve. No made-up names. No silliness. Just a little R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

When we respect our sexuality, our children will. And when we teach healthy sexuality to our kids, we also help protect them from sexual abuse. Perpetrators look for children who lack knowledge. You CAN begin the conversations. You CAN do it! This not so "Mum Momma" is cheering for you!

And join me next week for Tamar's Redemption Thursdays - Parenting with Purpose, Parenting without Paranoia.

To read Teaching Our Kids about Sex While Protecting Them Too, Part 1, The Mum Momma click here.